Back-to-school tricks to help kids, and parents

But, if you've got a child starting school this year - or going to a new school or even changing grades - have you prepared yourself for the emotional upheaval of the first few weeks?

Because according to Professor Penny Van Bergen - an expert in educational psychology - this is just as important as anything that will get taught in the classroom when it comes to success at school.

If you've ever tried to reason with a child mid-meltdown, you know periods of heightened emotion are not the best time to try to teach them something new.

Prof Van Bergen said the best emotional state for learning was neutral and calm, which can be difficult when kids are being thrown into so many new things at the start of a new school year.

"To be able to learn effectively, you need to feel safe, you need psychological well-being, you need to feel as though you're in a context where you're smart enough, your ideas matter," she said.

At the start of a year kids are meeting new teachers and friends, as well as entering a new environment which will have different rules and trying to learn how it works.

"All of that requires so much brain power - your brain is running on glucose and it uses so much of it," Prof Van Bergen said.

"Normally, what we encounter is pretty routine, so you've got enough power for the new things. But when you're starting school - or even a new year at school - everything is new.

"I think it's helpful for parents know that their kids being exhausted and occasionally acting out is not unexpected.

"They may be tired and frustrated or just need a bit of a chill, and you can be gentle and empathetic and give them the space they need to chill out or to connect with you."

Prof Van Bergen said preparation for all change was vital, but said there was a knack to making sure the preparation was not creating its own anxiety.

"I think if it's something where you have a very militant talk and said 'now we have to get this right every day' that's going be anxiety producing,' she said.

"But if it's just a 'oh hey, did you know that this happens' or 'is there anything you're worried about starting school' and just normalising that it's okay to be a bit worried and reminding them that its going to be fun then that will get them prepared for the change without the pressure."

She said getting your kids to be open with you, and talking about their experience at school was another good way to help ease the transition.

But, if you've ever picked a child up from school or daycare and received the answers "Good" and "Nothing" when you ask them about their day, this is easier said than done.

Even Professor Van Bergen remembers having these one-sided conversations with her daughter when she first started school.

"It used to drive me nuts because my PhD is in parents and children sharing memories with each other," she said.

Nowadays, she has some good strategies for getting kids to open up.

"Expect that they might not want to answer, but then rather than interrogating try sharing a memory from your day," she said.

"You can also consider setting family routines, for sharing something I liked, something that was funny - because if everyone's going in a circle or taking their turn then there's not this intense pressure on just one little person."

She said it was also okay if children wanted to save all their thoughts for the last five minutes before bedtime.

"You feel like you should be saying 'no, you've got to go to sleep', but actually this is a good conversation," she said.

In an optimal learning environment, the emotional support at home will be coupled with strong relationships at school, Prof Van Bergen said.

"In a close relationships, there's a sense for a child that they're valued and that they're cared about as a person," she said

"Relationships that are less effective are those in which there's higher conflict, or where there's a sense of injustice.

"Having a relationship where you feel valued means that you're free to try new ideas and that it's okay to get things wrong sometimes."

For the most part, she said children can trust that teachers understand this, and know how to form emotional connections with children to help them learn.

"They are experts at it, and they know about relationship-centred education," she said.

"Different teachers might have slightly different temperaments, but that doesn't mean they won't be connecting with your child.

"It's also not helpful if your child comes home and says 'I don't like my teacher' to buy into that because, as much as possible, you want to be working all as a team together, parent, child and teacher."

Prof Van Bergen said it was important for parents to talk regularly with their kids about how to be considerate and respectful of others, so they are able to understand that other people will have different perspectives when they enter a new environment.

"There are going be occasions where someone's unfair to them, or when somebody says something rude to them - and that's when you can normalise it, and say 'it doesn't mean that it's ok for them to say something rude but yeah, it's a bit silly, isn't it'," she said.

"So you're not giving it more fuel than it needs, but you're expressing a rapport with them.

She said parents could also help kids to put things into perspective - not giving too much power to everyday playgrounds struggles.

"You can try to help them to understand what other people might be thinking in the moment, because in a disagreement it often can be that you just read it differently, it's usually not that somebody's trying to be mean," she said.

"It doesn't have to be a big thing, but the start of a school year is a good thing to talk to them about making friends.

"You might just say, 'if you're nervous you can just be your happy self', or tell them to say hi to somebody if you think that they might need a friend.

"Just those little nudges in the right context can just give them enough that they start to enact those things."