SATIRE | Unlikely bid for Jarome Luai's signature

The early morning text claimed there was a most unlikely suitor for the signature of Penrith star Jarome Luai. I rubbed my eyes hard, then reread the message.

"Bulls**t," I said to myself. "Bulls**t."

I fired off a text. The reply was instant: "Nah, mate, this is no joke. They've approached his management team with an offer."

"For real?" I said.

"Mate, what'd I say?"

"This is crazy."

"Isn't it? But you better get onto it. And I reckon you owe me a beer."

"I'll get you a slab if it's true."

It was just after 7am, but I couldn't wait. I made the call to Kootingal-Moonbi Roosters president Lad Jones.

"Lad, it's Mark Bode. Sorry for the early morning call, but a reliable source has told me ..."

"Told ya what, mate?" Lad said.

"Sorry, mate. It just dawned on me that someone's taking the piss. There's no way Kooty are trying to sign Jarome Luai. I'm a goose."

There was silence.

"You there, Lad?" I said.

"Yeah, I am. And your mail is good."

"Seriously?! I mean ... seriously?!"

Lad said he had contacted Luai's management company, Black Money Enterprises, and tabled a two-year deal that included match payments of $750 a game and a full-time job at the Kootingal Hotel. He was yet to hear back from the company.

"Mate," I said, "he's baulking at signing a new $1.7 million, two-year deal with the Panthers. I don't think your offer will cut it."

"Maybe, mate. But as Sharpey said, 'You've gotta be in it to win it.'" (He was referring to the Roosters' vice president and former coach, Geoff Sharpe.)

I thanked Lad for his time and called Sharpey, who said it was his idea to go after the Blues' ex-playmaker.

He said that on the surface the bid to lure Luai to Kootingal seemed "far-fetched", but added: "I've sensed that he's disillusioned with elite rugby league, with the constant media glare. Hell, with the whole rat race.

"I reckon a move to the country will be the best thing for him. And, obviously, it will be good for us too."

"You're dreaming, though, aren't you, mate?"

"Mark, you've gotta be in it to win it."

I wished Sharpey all the best and phoned Black Money managing director Wok Wright, who only said: "While Jarome appreciates Kootingal-Moonbi's interest in him, he's looking to continue his NRL career at this stage."

Fair enough, I thought. But, then again, aren't NRL players always talking about wanting to give back to grassroots rugby league?

So, how 'bout it, Jarome. Will you keep looking after No. 1? Or will you add some real substance to your legacy by putting the game first?

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