We are always told to keep our work and personal lives separate: don't bring your work home and don't bring your personal issues to work. Many of us even joke about having "work husbands" or "work wives"!
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But when you really think about it, have you ever heard anything more ridiculous?
It is impossible to split ourselves into two different people. It's like we expect the front door of our houses to be some sort of device that strips you of your personal life issues and uploads your work stresses, and at the end of the day, it reverses the process.
Sounds totally healthy, right?! Nothing like a little emotional suppression to make a day complete.
Sure, it's easier to say "keep your personal lives away from work" and vice versa, because that means your workplace doesn't have to deal with your home life baggage and your home doesn't have to deal with your workplace stress, but as a - you know - human being, this can result in a really dangerous mental state for you.
It might shock you to realise this, but you don't have to be working to experience this. In fact, if you are experiencing unemployment, the line between work and home stress usually becomes so blurred that you just can't escape it at all, and this can be really challenging to overcome. You may also face a lack of empathy or sympathy for your stress because you don't have a job, or worse, you may be blamed for it entirely, which can lead to significant mental health decline.
So, what do we do?
Well, first of all, it's important to acknowledge that you aren't alone. Every single human on the planet is dealing with something and given that most of us have feelings, it's natural to assume that from time to time, our fellow humans are likely to experience work- or home-related stress that creeps into the other realm of their lives.
Secondly, sit down and think about the people you have around you who are supportive. Who can you talk your stress or personal crisis out with? They say a problem shared is a problem halved, and you know what? It often is. Look at the resources available to you to help you overcome the problem at its very root. Of course, not every problem can be "solved" like this, but sometimes, identifying the support options around you can play a notable role in feeling less burdened by what's weighing you down.
If you don't have people in your life that you can turn to, look for services available. Forgive the shameless plug here, but people like me (careers counsellors and coaches) are actually here to help your work through your work stresses. It can be cathartic to vent to someone uninvested in your life about what's happening in your work life, and they can give you fresh perspective on difficult situations or help you build strategies to manage what you're facing, without any judgment or emotional baggage attached.
MORE WUNDENBERG:
Personal counsellors are amazing to talk through your personal crises with as well. I don't mind sharing that I see a counsellor once every three weeks to talk through life's stresses with and to get fresh perspectives on issues I'm grappling with. There's no shame in looking for this outlet. A support network is vital to help you navigate the complexity that is your life.
If you are a manager or employment services provider and have noticed that one of your team members or clients is struggling, this is your chance to step in and find out why. It's important to look beneath the surface of performance issues to find causes for the issues, rather than just "performance manage" the outcome. Talk to your staff and have a list of services that you can refer people to for any number of issues they may be dealing with in either their professional or personal lives. Remember, the people you are leading are human and it's rare that they have that magic front door installed at home that lets them download their home emotions and then upload their work stress as they leave for the office.
Over the years, I have worked with many managers who have sent their staff to me to help them through performance issues and work engagement. These managers see the employee as a whole person and not just a unit of production. It's next to impossible to separate our stresses in our lives. Sometimes there will be creep. We are only human after all.
- Zoë Wundenberg is a careers consultant and un/employment advocate at impressability.com.au, and a regular columnist for ACM.